Here today, gone tomorrow.

The downward spiral. Some say it never ends. Others would say it's all a state of mind. I don't have much of either to say really. There is a point where your just numb with discontent. No pills, no amount of alcohol or any other drug can fill that hole. You just end up having to stop and reckon with it. It's there. No making things up. Just take a good long hard look. You can move, or sit still; stay idle or run as fast as you can - either way it's not going anywhere.

But how to make THAT thing of an emptiness go away. People come and go, it hurts. Can't shut the world out. Keeping a happy go lucky disposition and being able to walk chin up without forcing it sure would sit nice. I try to feel up, but I'm tired.

When an energetic, young stranger grabs your attention by saying "excuse me sir, I'm sorry for bothering you but you look really sad..." - it becomes a daily challenge to leave home. I always thought I hid it pretty damn good since nobody ever said anything. Until now.

The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly

Pelican Bar

Taxi


Jamaica...mon! The trip was so uninteresting I don't even have much to say or pictures to show. Constant solicitation for drugs, sex, whatever you want multiple fools out on the beach just don't know when to take no for an answer. I literally saw tourists running at times, tired of the constant barrage of beach combing...um, business being shoved in their face. If you said no, some of them literally would act like they're having a break down. I felt stupid for being there. I feel stupid for going. But, there were some good things I can keep with me as a positive memory. Go up into the mountains and experience the real Rastafari peoples of Jamaica. Find some locals to take you. It's an experience. Not all relaxing. But cultural and edgy.

I want to mention one place: Roaring River - Blue Hole. The cave was amazing, no tourists, swim in and drink from the mineral waters. Jump into the caves natural pool that contains mineral water so clear you can see straight through to the bottom and off to the side where you realize it steers off into the black abyss of an underwater cave.

Amsterdam Nacht

Amsterdam Central Station

I decided to add mood to this photo. It still looks like Nazi Germany is in town. This train station has seen some terrible history. I travelled on the trains in Europe many years ago (not this trip) and always felt an eerie feeling when at the train stations. Images of WW II are permanently embedded on my brain from reading books and seeing photos of that time. I don't want to ever know what living in the middle of a war zone is like.

Amsterdam Photos

Great city. Lots and lots of bicycles. In fact your more likely to get hit by a bike than a car, bus, or tram! If I remember correctly there are some 500,000 bikes for every 650,000 people. The streets are narrow, no parking either so a bike makes sense. They race up and down the streets, back and forth, endlessly. When you hear the little bell, move fast because they don't expect to slow down for you. It wasn't pleasant most the time dealing with the locals. They all speak english but as a tourist they don't seem to like you very much. You can tell their patience has been tested and over tested long ago with the tourist scene in the area. I tried not to act like the typical tourist, but it's hard when your lost.

Amsterdam

I took a different approach to travel this year. Instead of an isolated place as far away from the city as I can get playing in the ocean or trekking a jungle, I'm going to Amsterdam. And, it will not involve tropical weather with 85 degree ocean water. It will be cold, windy and rainy - but I've wanted to go for years to celebrate the festivals that take place there during November. And what better weather could there be for coffee shop(s), bar(s), some Heineken(s) and the cannabis cup - plus add thousands of fun loving people that just want to enjoy life with some smoke, music, art, film festival, coffee shops, and live music every night. Sounds like a good pre-cursor to the more serious trips I want to follow up with. I will get to Africa, Palau to swim in jelly fish lake, Thailand, Philippines - ah hell you name it I want to be there at least once. But for now, this is a trip I want to do solo without feeling lonely. I managed to acquire a good deal of airline miles and even had some extra points for my room. All together I am just paying for my judges pass and partly for the hotel, which is located right in the center of the Leidseplein. I expect to hopefully get some interesting photos of my journey. Obviously it won't be a seascape or any underwater stuff - but variety, novelty - all still around the corner. I'm going to pick up a 50mm fixed lense (fast for low light/indoors) and probably a fisheye lens as well because coffee shop shots (if I'm allowed) would be great with a fisheye - since reality is going to be a bit altered to begin with. I am a true Californian, I have no cold weather clothing, looks like I got some shopping to do.

Love and Hate

*click the image for full size*

Cabin fever, but I'm not in a cabin. Or in the woods. Let's see, "city fever?"

The "I gotta get the fuck out of dodge" feeling. Instead of a gambling problem I have a wicked travel addiction. Can't stop thinking about it. How does someone stay still. Not curious, other than a television? Really? The neighborhood?

Tanzania, Zanzibar continue to haunt me. If I booked the plane ticket to Dar es Salaam, Tanzania say November 20th right now - cost is so doable. But those Safari companies need an arm and a leg and well, is it possible to rough it in Africa?...without being eat'n by something?